Getting out of your mental rut

You know those days when you are just so down that you cannot see a way out, and it feels like it will never end?

Your mind is taking you to places you don’t want to go.

Pulling you back into old thinking patterns of

I’m useless

I can’t do this

What have you done to deserve this

You’re not good enough

Your ideas suck

… I could go on but I think you get the picture/ have been there before.

Just over a year ago now I found myself in the worst mental state I can ever remember being in.

I was coming off the back of 5 years of chronic lower back pain, and recovering from spinal fusion surgery.

The last few years I worked myself into the ground building a marketing agency in Hong Kong that I thought was my idea of success only to realise it was someone else’s dream and I was left with what felt at the time nothing to show for it.

I was lost, tired, burnt out and afraid of what I was going to do next.

My mind was being so mean to me, I remember one day I was in a ball on the floor just crying because I could not make the voices stop.

The last couple of weeks have felt very similar.

I’ve been away for 10 months escaping the Hong Kong restrictions which finally lifted.

I got back home at the end of March, 3 days of jet lag and a week of the flu knocked me sideways.

Then I had 10 days of what I can only conclude was a bout of insomnia. Exhausted at the end of my days only to lie in bed wide awake starring at the back of my eyelids for the entire night.

I was slipping back into that downward spiral again.

The victim mentality I used to lean on was creeping back in…

Everything was suddenly feeling so personal and so heavy.

However this time I was more prepared than I realised to handle this situation.

Non-Negotiable

Over the last 6 months I have built 2 habits that I can only truly appreciate now.

1) Morning Pages

2) Daily Exercise

Every day for the last 6 months I have journaled and moved my body. It now feels weird if I don’t do these two things in my day.

Even if it’s just a 10 min walk.

On the days where I was so sick I felt faint standing up, no I didn’t do my walking but as soon as I had the strength I did.

This quote has been in the back of my mind.

“We don’t rise to the level of our expectations, we fall to the level of our training”

Life will always continue to have its ups and downs. - That’s just how nature works.

Coming out of a downward mental spiral is tough, but there are tools and things we can do to soften the blow and start to pull ourselves out.

It’s how we prepare and ‘train’ for the tough times ahead that will set the new standard of how we navigate through it, and ultimately not let us sink as far down and for as long each time.

If you are stuck in a rut currently and feel like there is no light at the end of the tunnel here are 5 things you can start doing today that will help reverse your current mental trajectory.

I’m not saying this will happen over night, depending on your mindset and where you are patience is key.

This might take a
• Day
• Week
• Month
or even a Year depending on your situation. But what I can say is

“This Too Shall Pass”

Recognise The Spiral

Recognising the negative thought patterns, emotions, and behaviours that contribute to a downward mental spiral is the first step towards overcoming it.

This is where journalling has caught me this time.

Self-awareness is crucial in interrupting the negative cycle and taking control of your mental state.

Writing it down onto paper gives you the ability to ‘see’ what is going on inside your head and allows you to separate yourself, even just momentarily from your thoughts.

What can I start doing today?

• Pay attention to your thoughts, emotions and behaviours.

Write them onto the page with no filter.

What is your mind currently saying to yourself?

What are your thoughts doing?

What emotions are you feeling, and where in the body are you feeling them?

What are you currently worried about?

What is stressing you out the most in life right now?

What are your values?

That last one was the biggest eye opener for me. When I realised I had never asked myself that question and I honestly didn’t know the answer.

For time reference - It’s taken me the last year of sustained effort and exploration on this question to truly come to an answer.

• Reflect on patterns that are contributing to the downward pull.

What are you doing on a daily basis?

Are you eating junk food, watching too much TV, drinking or smoking excessively?

Have you gone for a walk recently?

When was the last time you did something for yourself that brought a true smile to your face?

Do you look at your phone the second you wake up?

• Acknowledge and accept without judgement.

This is actually one of the toughest parts. It’s easy to start beating yourself up even more as you start to realise what is happening.

But remember at the moment you are doing the best you think you can to handle the situation, and until you know better you cannot do better. One of my favourite quotes.

It helps at this point to give yourself a time frame if you can, wallow in self pity if you need I know I did. Getting yourself out of this rut will feel a lot like the grieving process.

You need time to allow yourself to process your emotions otherwise bottling them up and powering through is a ticking time bomb for down the line

But set a time limit. Don’t allow yourself wallow for too long. You have already wasted enough time and energy.

Start to Take Care of Yourself

Like really take care of yourself. We all know what is ‘good for us’ yet why do we have such a hard time actually taking the steps to do it?

What can I start doing today?

• Get enough sleep
• Cut down on processed foods and bring in the good stuff
• Move your body

because like Elle Wood’s so eloquently said

“Exercise give you endorphins, endorphins makes you happy, and happy people just don’t kill their husbands.”

Nothing too extreme, we are trying to be kind to ourselves not give us another reason to beat ourselves up about not being able to do something.

Start small

• Sleep - get to bed half an hour earlier than you usually would, try no screens for half an hour beforehand to help with your sleep cycle.

• Food - eliminate unhealthy snacks throughout your day, replace that bag of chips with fruit and nuts. Overdoing it on the soda? swap that out for water and bring your intake down (baby steps here, replace 1 to start if thats all you can get your head around)

• Exercise - I’m sure you have heard that 10,000 steps is the ideal daily number. Start with 2,000. If you don’t have a tracker or anything walk around the block or start with 10 mins. Just get out the house and move your body. No phones, no music, no distractions.

Challenge Negative Thoughts

Questioning the validity of negative thoughts is crucial in changing your perspective and shifting your mindset.

Negative thoughts perpetuate the cycle of negativity

Positive thoughts perpetuate the cycle of positivity

Now when you are down ‘just feeling happy’ isn’t always going to cut it.

What’s crazy is that, it is as simple as that!

But I've found when I’m deep in the trenches of a bad mindset it takes a little more than just slapping a smile on my face to change my state of mind.

What can I start doing today?

• Identify and challenge negative thoughts by asking yourself if they are based on facts or assumptions.

This is where the writing down of your thoughts part above also helps here.

“You’re useless” - Really?

Why do I think that about myself?

Who has made me feel like that before?

• Seek evidence to support or refute your negative thoughts

You have to become a detective of your own mind.

Only you will be able to uncover where these thoughts are coming from and why you have let them fester in your mind for so long.

When in doubt adopt the mindset of a 2 year old and keep asking yourself

“Why?”

Force yourself to come up with answers until you can come up with one good enough to justify your thought process.

More often than not I realised my response was “Because”

(this is not good enough)

• Practice cognitive reframing techniques to reframe negative thoughts into more positive or balanced ones.

Every time you find yourself saying something negative about yourself, immediately find something positive you can say.

What do I like about myself?

This question in itself is tough, it’s hard to be kind when we have been so mean for so long but ask yourself the question anyway.

Sometimes all you need is to acknowledge the thought and tell it to kindly “fuck off now please, that kind of thinking is no longer useful to me”

Reach Out For Support

The worst trait I feel we have as humans is to feel so isolated and alone in our own issues, when we know good and well that everyone is struggling with their own inner demons.

What can I start doing today?

• Reach out to a friend, or family member.

If that seems too tough at the moment, find a professional and book a session.

You don’t even have to tell them everything. Even a simple I’m feeling super down at the moment can we go do something fun to take my mind off it.

Don’t default to drinking here please.
• Go on a hike
• Go for lunch
• Go bowling
• Go fishing
• Go play a round of golf

Think of something you haven’t done in a while that you know will lift your spirits.

I have found recently that talking to friends and family has helped, not even to get advice, just speaking what’s on my mind and knowing someone is listening has helped to feel a weight lift off my shoulders.

• There is nothing wrong with admitting you don’t know what to do or how to fix your current situation.

When you are in the trenches It’s hard to come up with creative solutions or to even see a solution to your problem.
A new set of eyes and a fresh perspective is sometimes all you need.

Create a Positive Routine

This is where building good habits will help you start to reverse your cycle. Even on your lowest days sticking to a positive routine will pull you through.

What can I start doing today?

• Plan and prioritise activities that you enjoy and promote wellbeing.

This ties back in to the taking care of yourself section above.

• Incorporate hobbies, exercise and socialising into your routine

Schedule it in! If it is not scheduled your time is easily filled with your autopilot bad habits.

We all have the same 24 hours to play with. Maybe its time to start saying no to things to make room to take care of yourself.

• Stick to a consistent routine to build positive habits and break the cycle of negativity.

You can read here how my journalling practice got started and how patience plays a big role in this mental game we are playing.

This is where I cannot stress enough the importance of starting small.

Consistency is key and habits can build on each other over time, but right now we need to start getting in the daily reps and proving to ourselves that we can stick to our word and stay consistent.

Create your list of non-negotiables!

If you have stuck with me to the end I hope you can breathe a sigh of relief that no matter how shit life feels right now. This too shall pass.

It’s time to take control.

Maja Howard